I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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