they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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