are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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