Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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