Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
