I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize