is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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