Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
