The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
