I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
