I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What a fucking waste of an outfit
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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