she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
FUCK WHALES
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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