Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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