I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
