My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
