I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
