Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
