I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
