I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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