loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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