Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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