I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
