he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
