I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
