he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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