easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
