I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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