I didn't shave. On purpose
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
