3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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