wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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