i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
