Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
