no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
