we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
