Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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