no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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