There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
