worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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