Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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