I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need water and some morals
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
