I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
