He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
