i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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