Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
