dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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