Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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