So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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