my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize