Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Damn victory sex feels great
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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