Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
