end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Randomize
