Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
