Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
