My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
