After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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