mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
