wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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