so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
this will be a night to untag.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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