Got a toothbrush?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize