Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He did a backflip because drugs
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