He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
