dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
