You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
