Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
