but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
