My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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