no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
