if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
