omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
