i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
look no pants
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
