Only a mothe r could love this liver
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
